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I worry. I worry too much. About everything. Moneyjobsinsurancebills. I feel so messed up. Like there is something really wrong with me that is inherent and unfixable. I don't feel like I deserve the good things in my life. My life is just a balance of pills pills pills. But I'm so lucky to have Chris. He is the best thing in my life. He means everything to me. He is far too good to me. He is the one constant in my life, he makes me feel safe and happy and loved and pretty and good. I feel horrible away from him. I worry I just make him sad by being away, and that I'm doing the wrong thing by trying to get a job out here. I just want to do what is going to be best for us, but I'm worried I'm fucking it all up. Now I feel like I'm just bitching and whining. I really am just lucky and blessed to have Chris. He is the most amazing, kind, wonderful person I know. I just want him to be happy. I love him more than anything. When I'm around him is the only time I really feel happy and good. I hate doing long distance. This really should have been more than one paragraph. Up next: my life living in a 55+ community.