Sooooo I don't usually like to write. I'm a very VISUAL person. Like majored in VISUAL Arts. But, I've got a lot on my mind and I think some of it might be entertaining. At least it will get it off my mind I guess. Like who goes from a notoriously high-profile partying school like Duke to living in a 55+ community? Who says "this is a good career move for me?" I do, bitch. Not that there haven't been, well, "incidents" with me living here. It hasn't been perfect. It has been nice though, don't get me wrong. Apart from the obvious being away from Chris thing. But in all honesty it has been amazing and wonderful to spend this time with my grandma and grandpa, since I hardly saw them growing up. I guess I didn't explain how I came to live in said retirement community. After school, both Chris and I decided that job-wise it would be smarter for me (us) to stay out East, since I majored in such a career savvy subject.
So I moved in with my grandma, which honestly has suited me fairly well, as I've never been the hard partying type. But the 55+ community hasn't embraced me quite as warmly. *SNIFF* For instance, there is the now infamous "Shovel Incident." I had cheerfully, willingly, helpfully done some shit in the garden for my grandma, and there was some dirt clumped to the shovel. So to get the dirt off I decided to knock the shovel against the concrete step. BAD MOVE. ERROR. The lady across the street, from now on known on as "Death on Wheels,™" decided that my banging of the shovel was VERY offensive behavior, and decided to shriek repeatedly to "knock that racket off!"

Whoops?


Sorry?


Also, I have noted that listening to the Exploding Hearts at high volumes has had negative consequences around the neighborhood.

"Death on Wheels™" isn't the only one who has had to "adjust" to my living here. For instance, the cleaning ladies are VERY confused. In BIG LETTERS confused. I guess the dichotomy of my big amp and electric guitars added to my Edward Cullen action figures is "disconcerting" and has led to " confusion" about my age. Whatever, they sure do seem to like arranging my ACTION FIGURES, NOT DOLLS into different poses, so I don't care. Next up: a LITTLE problem with Twilight and a BIG problem with over-capitalization.

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I worry. I worry too much. About everything. Moneyjobsinsurancebills. I feel so messed up. Like there is something really wrong with me that is inherent and unfixable. I don't feel like I deserve the good things in my life. My life is just a balance of pills pills pills. But I'm so lucky to have Chris. He is the best thing in my life. He means everything to me. He is far too good to me. He is the one constant in my life, he makes me feel safe and happy and loved and pretty and good. I feel horrible away from him. I worry I just make him sad by being away, and that I'm doing the wrong thing by trying to get a job out here. I just want to do what is going to be best for us, but I'm worried I'm fucking it all up. Now I feel like I'm just bitching and whining. I really am just lucky and blessed to have Chris. He is the most amazing, kind, wonderful person I know. I just want him to be happy. I love him more than anything. When I'm around him is the only time I really feel happy and good. I hate doing long distance. This really should have been more than one paragraph. Up next: my life living in a 55+ community.